I lost a bunch of pounds that men seem to gain very easily in their 40s. I’d wear some of my girlfriend’s lingerie both around the house as well as out in public. I made purchases of girlie things on Amazon. I masturbated exclusively to gay/shemale/crossdresser videos. And so it went. Present day: My thoughts and actions are shifting a bit. I still consider myself a heterosexual. I still shave and wear women’s lingerie, underwear, etc. but the frequency is getting less compared to a few years ago. There’s nothing sexier than a woman, to me. Perhaps that’s why, if I could, I’d become a woman. But when I watch straight videos, I put myself in the place of the woman. I identify more with her. I’m not wishing I were that guy nailing her, but wishing I was her getting nailed. I’ve always been submissive and very eager to please. I’ve never had an encounter with another man. I’d love to some day and hope it will happen, but I would have to be fully dressed as a woman and play the part to. I want to feel what they feel. But just one.”“Alright. I’m going to give you a single spank now.”She waited. He raised his arm and brought it down hard.She said nothing.He said, “Are you alright?”She said nothing.He repeated, “Are you okay?”She exhaled. “Yes,” she said. “Now I understand.”“What do you understand?” he asked.“I understand why it’s appealing. You totally give control of yourself to someone else, don’t you?”“Yes,” he agreed. “And you give yourself to someone you trust to take care of you.”“I think I’d like you to spank me,” she said.“You don’t think of it as abuse then, like you said before?”“No. I want - no, let me correct myself - I need to be spanked,” she elaborated.“Well, we should probably talk about how that works,” he said.“Doesn’t it work like this?” she asked.“Yes, but you’ve still got your clothes on. For a real spanking, you’d have to be naked.”“Do you want me to get naked?”“If you want a real spanking, you’ll need to. And you’ll also have no control over.
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